Guilt
by doodleswriter357
Summary: Artie can't help but feel guilty over the events that have transpired since the auditions. Mercedes reassures Artie that it wasn't his fault that she left the club.


**Because Artie angst pretty much writes itself. I wanted to explore this topic because it wasn't handled so well on the show. Plus, I love me some Artie/Mercedes friendship.**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING.**

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><p>As he thought over the past couple of weeks, Artie was remembering vividly why he was so reluctant to take on the position of student director. He did want to have opportunities to try his hand at directing, but he could only imagine the levels of drama that would result from members of the Glee club competing against each other for the roles. There was a good reason why he stayed out of the way whenever there were diva-offs and fights for leads. He usually had an opinion on who should get to sing, but never voiced them in fear of making people angry.<p>

When he said he preferred to avoid conflict, he wasn't exaggerating. He hated getting in fights with people and would do anything to make sure that someone wasn't upset with him. Sometimes he felt as though the friends he had were only barely there, and he was desperate to keep them. Confronting Brittany about her involvement with Santana last spring had been one of the most difficult things he had ever done, and it ended in the worst way possible. After that incident in particular, he was keen to avoid any type of negative interaction with anyone.

One of the reasons that he had decided to take the position was because he actually felt encouraged to do it. He was surprised when Tina spoke up for him, and was touched that she remembered him mentioning it – although that had been his 'back-up' dream, seeing as how the other one was pretty much impossible. But he had looked around the room and seen all the other members staring at him expectantly. He was a little surprised at their support, but it was part of the reason that he finally said.

He also agreed because he figured that it was his only chance at doing anything involving the show. He knew there was a snowball's chance in hell that he'd actually be picked for a role – there weren't any characters in wheelchairs in this musical, and although they had talked about 'unconventional casting' there was no way that it would include him. Directing would put him right there in the thick of things and he'd be involved in something other than painting scenery.

It wasn't like he had directed things with his friends before – he had done 'Vogue' with Kurt and Mercedes, which he counted as his most successful project to date. He had also overseen the production of 'Run Joey Run' but left most of the work up to the other AV club members once he saw the direction that Rachel was going with it.

But as he reflected on the whole casting process, he was left with nothing but a bitter taste in his mouth. He could see Kurt's hurt face as they laughed at his unexplained performance. He remembered having to watch as Mike danced and sang and tore up the stage in a way that Artie had always dreamed of being able to do. He sat through Santana belting out her audition piece and running into Brittany's congratulatory hug afterwards. He had to try and decide who to pick for the female lead, a decision he had been most dreading.

The competition between Mercedes and Rachel was long-going – and although he would have never said it out loud, in fear of Rachel possibly killing him – he had always preferred Mercedes' voice. He couldn't deny Rachel's talent of course, but he just wasn't her biggest fan. Choosing between the two had been a topic of much debate among the directors, and in the end they decided to just split the role. Unfortunately, Mercedes hadn't taken the news well at all, and to the dismay of everyone in the club, ended up joining Shelby's club.

Artie was extremely upset when he found out. Mercedes was one of his best friends, and she had been one of the few constants in the club – and quite frankly, one of the only people that was always his friend. And out of nowhere, she was just gone. He sat in Glee, a bit numb from the shock of it all. However, he was jolted out of it when Tina angrily yelled at him and blamed him for causing it. He replied hurriedly, trying to shift the blame off himself, but deep down felt the guilt and shame starting to eat at him. Was it his fault? Should he have pushed more for her to have been the only lead and not just agreed that both girls were talented enough for the role?

It stung even more that it was Tina who was getting upset with him. She was the one who pushed him to take the job, and now she was yelling at him for the decision he made? He felt a sort of now-familiar hopelessness creeping up on him. He had screwed up again, done something without thinking, and now he had probably just lost another friend. He was so lost in his thoughts for the rest of the day that he tuned out the rest of the world and what was going on around him.

Later that week after Glee club, Artie, Tina, and Kurt decided to peek in at the Troubletones to see what they were up to. They waved eagerly at Mercedes who happily returned it and made as if she were going to come over to them. However, Santana stopped her and Artie felt that sinking feeling again. They wouldn't be in this predicament – having lost three members – if it weren't for him.

He was sitting alone in the choir room a couple of days later, messing around with a melody on the guitar when he heard a soft knock on the door. He looked up to see Mercedes standing in the doorway.

"Hey," she grinned. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah, sure," he answered, setting the guitar down in the stand and turned to face her. She settled in one of the chairs and looked around her.

"I'm not going to get in trouble for being in here, am I?" she asked half-joking.

"Nah, I'll just tell them you're with me," he said with a wave of his hand.

She grinned at him and said, "So how's it going?"

He shrugged and made a face. "Same old, same old. Glee's a little emptier now which is weird, but we got that new kid, Rory, who's actually a pretty good singer."

"I meant with you," Mercedes corrected gently. "I could find out what's going on in the club from anyone."

"Me?" Artie asked in surprise. "I'm…fine. I guess."

"You guess?" Mercedes questioned. "That doesn't sound like you believe it."

"Well, I'd probably be better if I hadn't almost single-handedly destroyed the club." Immediately after he said it, Artie wished he could take it back. Yet again, his mouth was moving without consulting his brain.

Mercedes' brow furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean by that? What did you do, almost accidentally bomb the choir room?"

"No, it's my fault that you guys all quit," Artie muttered, staring at the dirty floor of the choir room.

"What?" Mercedes exclaimed, startling him. "Are you off your rocker, white boy?" Artie looked up at her in confusion.

"You quit because you didn't get the role of Maria…" he trailed off at the look she was giving him.

"No, I quit because Mr. Schuester was being unfair to me in that stupid booty camp and he said that if I walked out of rehearsal, I would officially be out of the club," she explained. "And I walked out because I was sick of being treated like crap. Yeah, I wasn't too happy about the whole 'divide the role' deal but I was technically already out of the club at that point."

"…Oh," was all Artie could say.

"Trust me, if it were your fault, you would have heard about it from me. I can guarantee you that," Mercedes grinned at him.

Artie let out a deep sigh. "Well, when people start yelling at me about it being my fault, I kind of assumed it was."

Mercedes made a noise of derision. "Well they're crazy. It had absolutely nothing to do with you. Honestly, you're one of the very few reasons that I would've stuck around."

"Really?" Artie said in surprise, ignoring the light blush that was threatening to creep onto his cheeks.

"Damn straight," she replied. "You're probably the only person in this club that hasn't pissed me off at some point. And as much as I love the whole 'girl power' aspect of Shelby's club, nothing sounds as good as our duets."

"True dat," Artie said with a pleased grin. Mercedes smiled sympathetically at the boy and patted his hand.

"Don't be so hard on yourself," she said softly. "You're a great guy Artie. You need to remember that."

Artie half rolled his eyes at that. "Yeah, as I continually mess up all the relationships in my life."

Mercedes scoffed. "So you're an idiot sometimes. You're a boy. Besides, half the stuff you blame yourself for isn't your fault in the slightest."

Artie couldn't help but let a small smile cross his face. Not only was he relieved about her not being upset with him over the audition issue, but he was surprised at what she was saying. He honestly couldn't remember anyone saying something like that to him.

Mercedes stood up and leaned over to give him a hug. "I've gotta run now, but we're gonna hang out later, you hear me?"

He laughed and adjusted his glasses. "Totally. Even though we're not in the same club anymore it doesn't mean that we can't still blow everyone else out of the water with our sweet jams."

She laughed and waved goodbye to him as she walked out of the room. Artie took a moment to ponder what she said. Maybe she was right, and he didn't have to blame _everything _on himself. He knew that he still worry about things like that, but it was nice to know that someone still cared about him.

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><p><em>Feedback is much appreciated as usual.<em>


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